Yunes Crime Bulletin


A Newsletter From the                             Volume 4, Issue 11, 1994
Division of World Public Safety                             

             
                          Introduction 

Yunes has  been a  quite  rude boy  during the   last  6 months.  He has  been
participating on any type of crime though his mother, sister and mistress have
been looking after him, dispatching all the love and kisses they could.

                     Reported Crimes of Yunes 

(A list of  the figures from  the graph is  presented  here.  See the  printed
copies of the  Yunes Crime Bulletin posted  to various cities bulletin  boards
for the actual graph -- not reproduced here.)

     Arson..............................34
     Assault...........................595
     Bike Theft.......................1491
     Burg from MV......................705
     Burglary..........................739
     Comp Hardware Theft...............205
     Destruction......................1628
     Disorderly Conduct..............33540
     Larceny..........................2456
     MV Theft..........................130
     Other/Misc........................581
     Robbery............................48
     Sex Offenses......................755
     Trespass to Real Property.........171
     TX Harass.........................622

This graph (above) shows  the total reported   yunetic crimes by  category the
last 6 months from  the informal World Reporting  Broadcast District, which is
an area bounded by North and South Poles. The Division of WPS is only required
by law (International  Worried People Security Act of  1990) to report certain
crimes but compiles  anyway all the data   related to the Yunes's  behavior to
provide a more  accurate image of his  criminal activity that might affect the
world community.  Disorderly  Conduct includes all idiotics:  it is by far the
most prevalent crime.   Ironically,  this type of  crime  is one of   the most
easily prevented if minimal preventative  measures are taken.  Also, stupidity
can be dramatically reduced by properly utilizing quality brain devices.


                          Reader Response

Questions  about  security against Yunes  can  be submitted  in writing to the
Editor for response consideration.

Q.  Why do you include unimportant behavior with no billshnik information in
    the Bulletin?  What can be learned by knowing in so much precision who
    actually is Yunes ?

A.  The ultimate goal is behavior modification to reduce yunitic states of
    mind; step one is creating awareness...most people have to be "sold" 
    there is a problem before taking action to resolve it!